The 23 Year Old Hope(ful) Romantic: Who am I

Who I am.

I have had a lot of time recently to indulge into self thought. 
Relationships end, friends are made and also lost, jobs change, and college courses progress.
It takes a toll on who a person is.

"No body likes you when you're 23." 
I guess that is theme I have jokingly held onto; this year has easily been one of my most difficult. Not that I have endured the most trials, hardships or sadness, but that I have increasingly felt a longing for something more. I wish I was already graduated and into my ideal career, I am envious of my friends who are married, I wish I have traveled to more places by now...
It baffled and depressed me when children I used to babysit were getting married; and even more so when my younger sister got engaged.
What am I doing?
Where am I going?
Who. Am. I?

It's an awkward plateau in my life, that I am sure. A mixture of "adult-ing", and still holding onto the chance I have to be young. Responsibilities are there, I independently support myself, pay all my bills, work two jobs, and put myself through school full-time. But, I allow myself the bliss and freedom of choice. Saying "yes" to spontaneous concerts. Getting a work shift covered to bask in the sun at the lake. Jumping out of an airplane. Allowing new people into my life; making genuine friends with people who were only strangers a few months ago. I've been on a mission to compliment people, do favors for them, laugh with them. It's funny, because you think it is so simple, and it is. But, for so long, I have held so much of who I am inside. I have isolated myself. I was the girl who walked through campus with my head down... Now, I am the girl who will compliment your outfit and smile at you.

Who Am I?

I am the girl who dreams of a fairy-tale love, but knows that will be hard, active work to find and maintain. I will fight every day of my life for it.
I am the girl who will watch stupid you-tube videos with you for hours, but also the girl who will talk about politics and the meaning of life and heartbreaks and if aliens are real, and how it felt the first time you told someone you loved them.
I am the girl who will drink you under the table (Grape Juice, Mom), but I am also the girl that makes sure my friends pass out with a blanket on them and a glass of water next to them.
I fall too hard too fast, and that will be my demise. I fall in love the potential I see in the ones I know.
I am the girl who will wish my ex the best, and actually mean it. (No, like... really.)
I am the girl who unintentionally goes three months without texting you back, but would still give you a kidney if need be.
I'm the girl who would drop literally everything and anything to be there for you in time of need, regardless of where our friendship stands. Sure, it is easy to say that (talk is cheap), but I literally have been that girl and proved it more times than I can count.

I'm silly.
I'm loud.
I don't sleep enough.
I have had poor self-confidence issues most of my life, and when I finally grew comfortable with myself and who I am, people unknowingly judge me as narcissistic and label me in a negative way. (Isn't that a cruel twist.)
I'm caring.
I lose myself in good music.
I have high expectations. I do. I'm working on it.
I put myself last way too often.
I have a hard time letting people go entirely.
I'm tired of too many people walking away.
I dream huge and sometimes lose sight of what I am capable of.

I've had twenty-three years to get to know myself, and I continually surprise myself and I am still learning.
It's easy for any of you to see a shiny-bright image on social media of who you think I am.. but it's not entirely the case. I retain a lot of the truly personal things in my life, which is a good thing. There's a lot of people I could call out or draw negativity to, but I refuse to.
I forgive easily.
Yet, I forgive myself the least. 

I am 23. I am a sister, a granddaughter, a daughter, an aunt, a friend. I am a lover. I am bright. I am Ruth.
This is who I am.

Who are you?